did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
