awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
