Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
