we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
