There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
