and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
