I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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