Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
