youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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