I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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