You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
