This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
