am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
