Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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