I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize