Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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