I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
