so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My bed smells like the plague
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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