he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
