Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize