Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
