Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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