I think my fart just growled at me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
