ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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