How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
