I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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