I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
