I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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