i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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