i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
