I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
