ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
