i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
