ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
