I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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