I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
