Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
