we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
