Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
