I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
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Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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