it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
