Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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