Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way