She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I did not marry a roomba.
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