The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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