Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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