you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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