8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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