When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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