I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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