Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
