Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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