I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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