I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
