I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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