Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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