i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
