he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
