Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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