tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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