I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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