I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
