so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
